5 signs of an inferiority complex that could be killing your self-confidence

“You either have to be flawless or you’re a failure,” Martinez says. “There’s no middle ground or grey area.” Not only is this all-or-nothing thinking inaccurate, it also leaves no room for nuance, self-compassion or growth. (And really, how could anyone be confident when their brain is feeding them such unforgiving thoughts after small slipups?)

3. You interpret even gentle feedback as proof you’re failing

No one enjoys receiving constructive criticism. But even the mildest, most well-meaning suggestions can hit like personal attacks for those struggling with an inferiority complex…and be enough to spark a shame spiral.

A casual comment from your boss about improving a task, for example, might be interpreted as confirmation that you suck at your job. (Ugh, why’d they even hire me? Everyone knows I don’t belong.) A gentle comment from your partner about how you could’ve handled last night’s disagreement differently may suddenly become proof that you’re an all-around inadequate person who deserves to get dumped.

“When we receive feedback, it’s normal to have a moment of self-doubt. We feel bad, but that usually passes,” Martinez explains. However, “some people might ruminate on it or obsess about it for days, since it reinforces all of this negative stuff that they already believe about themselves.”

4. You look at other people’s wins and automatically wonder what’s wrong with you

It’s pretty much impossible not to do this to some extent (thanks, social media highlight reels). However, with inferiority complexes, those comparisons don’t just feel like passing moments of envy. Instead, they become a lens through which you judge your worth…or rather, your perceived lack of it, according to Bryant.

Whether someone announces a new gig, shares an engagement update or posts about their impressive lifting PR, your mind might race with thoughts like, “No matter how hard I try, I’ll never be as good as this person,” or, “I’m clearly not talented enough, or else I’d be where they are now.” You’re not simply wishing you had what they had—you’re convinced there’s something flawed about you for not measuring up.

5. You try really, really hard to gain other people’s approval

If you’re convinced you’re somehow lacking as you are, it makes sense that you might feel the pressure to “earn” your worth. Because when you don’t believe you’re sufficient on your own, external praise and approval become your only lifeline to fill that void. That’s why, with inferiority complexes, “there’s often this real, Olympic-level people-pleasing with hardly any boundaries,” Martinez says.