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60 questions for long-distance friends that will improve your bond

60 questions for long-distance friends that will improve your bond


Adulthood brings with it an avalanche of challenges—taxes, never-ending to-do lists and family obligations. Some of our closest pals, whom we rely on to make such difficult situations seem less stressful, move away to build better lives and we’re forced to enter long-distance friendships. We promise to keep in touch, but as we get busy with coursework, careers and raising families, these once-treasured bonds are pushed to the sidelines. People who once knew our every passing thought now live entire lives in cities we’ve never seen. And the more time that passes, the harder it gets to pick up where we left off.

Yet, friendships are not only a luxury or a nice-to-have; they are also a necessity for our wellbeing. We don’t just need friends to lighten our days, we also need them to help us understand ourselves better and to ground us in our growth. In order to preserve long-distance friendships to the best of our ability, we need to go beyond the occasional “how’s the weather” small talk and half-hearted emoji reactions. And while busy schedules and time zone differences can understandably make it difficult to stay in touch, the 60 questions for long-distance friends listed below will help you feel truly connected to them, even when daily check-ins aren’t possible.

Casual check-in questions for long-distance friends (especially if it’s been a while)

  1. What has been the highlight of your week?
  2. Which book are you currently reading?
  3. What does the coming week look like for you?
  4. Are you currently watching a TV show?
  5. What does your daily routine include?
  6. How is your new city in comparison to the former place we lived in together?
  7. How have you been enjoying your work?
  8. What are your colleagues or peers like?
  9. Do you have any upcoming travels planned?
  10. How has your family been doing?
  11. What is your favourite place in your city, and why?
  12. Have you heard from [common friend] recently?
  13. Have you developed any new hobbies?
  14. Is there any new music you could recommend to me?
  15. What has been your go-to meal?
  16. When was the last time you had a really good night out, and who were you with?
  17. How has your sleep schedule been?
  18. Could you share some photos from your camera roll which sum up the past few weeks for you?
  19. Have you tried anything new since we last spoke?
  20. How are the other relationships in your life treating you?

Introspective questions for long-distance friends to really understand how they’ve been doing

  1. How are you really doing?
  2. What’s something you’ve discovered about yourself since we last met?
  3. What has been your favourite memory so far in your new city?
  4. Is there anything you find yourself struggling with?
  5. What are you most looking forward to currently?
  6. In what ways are you different around people in your city compared to when we’re together?
  7. What is one thing that has been draining your energy and one thing that has been recharging you?
  8. What’s one part of your week I wouldn’t know from your social media?
  9. What kind of people have you been surrounding yourself with?
  10. What has been your happiest moment recently?
  11. What about you has most changed since we last met?
  12. What is one thing about yourself that you are trying to improve?
  13. What have you been doing to find balance in your day?
  14. How do you think you are perceived amongst friends in your city?
  15. What’s one thing I would have noticed about you if I were with you this week?

Questions which reflect on your friendship and past memories

  1. What is your favourite memory of us?
  2. Which phase of our friendship do you think shaped us most?
  3. What’s something that we did together that you now miss?
  4. What’s a photo or video of us that you keep revisiting?
  5. What memory of us do you find yourself sharing with your new friends?
  6. What do you miss most about living in the same city?
  7. What’s something you wish I had been there for this month?
  8. What’s something that we used to do together that you feel we didn’t appreciate enough in the moment?
  9. How do you describe me to friends in your city who haven’t met me?
  10. Which photo of me do you show people who ask about me?

Deeper questions to strengthen your bond

  1. How can I be a supportive friend to you from afar?
  2. What’s something I’ve taught you unknowingly?
  3. What is something I could do to address your concerns about us drifting apart?
  4. What is something that we each appreciate about each other?
  5. Is there anything I can do to be a better friend—to you and others?
  6. How frequently would you like us to speak?
  7. When would it be the most convenient for us to check in with each other?
  8. What is one thing we could each work towards to maintain our friendship?

Questions to spark excitement and hope about reuniting

  1. When and where would you ideally like to meet me next?
  2. What are you most looking forward to doing when we meet next?
  3. Do you have any foreseeable plans of visiting me?
  4. Who in your city would you first like to introduce me to? Why?
  5. Which spot would you want to take me to first when I visit your city?
  6. What are you most excited to revisit in our city?
  7. What’s one local tradition or ritual you would like us to experience together?

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