Why do men enjoy rage-baiting the women they love?

Often, the subtext behind this kind of teasing is a desire for attention or a way of expressing affection. In 10 Things I Hate About You (1999), Patrick constantly teases and provokes Kat in order to find an opening in her hard exterior. Ruuh points out that He’s Just Not That Into You (2009) opens with a scene of a little girl crying after being teased by a boy. Her mother comforts her by saying he does it because he likes her. The film then goes on to challenge and deconstruct that very idea throughout its run time. The mother’s justification, however, mirrors a larger cultural social conditioning that equates juvenile teasing with romantic interest, reinforcing a dynamic where emotional immaturity in men is excused—even romanticised—as affection.

Bollywood has posited its own take on this dynamic time and again. Karan and Rhea meet as strangers in Hum Tum (2004) and constantly vex each other—often in childish or teasing ways—but over time, that friction becomes the foundation of their romantic connection. In Band Baaja Baaraat (2010), Shruti and Bittoo start off as reluctant business partners who constant bicker with and challenge each other until they eventually fall in love.

In many ways, the romanticisation of initial irritation and emotional misattunement stems from the enemies-to-lovers trope, which has always been an evergreen plot point in movies but has seen a robust resurgence thanks to #BookTok, fan fiction and smut. That’s not to say it won’t fall apart in real life, if you fail to read the cues. Ruuh suggests pausing to understand your intentions before an ill-timed lark: Am I teasing to connect or to avoid being vulnerable? What’s the real purpose? She encourages replacing deflection with clarity and naming your needs to build a solid emotional vocabulary instead.

Sometimes, I wonder if my grandfather knows how ridiculous he sounds when he says things just to annoy my grandmother. She rolls her eyes, scowls, even sulks sometimes, and he grins like he’s won the lottery. To be fair, there’s also something deeply intimate about being known so well that someone can push your buttons without even trying. It’s cute, once in a while. But when it becomes a pattern—when someone keeps doing it without communicating or reading the room—it stops being playful and becomes a trigger.