Does This Manicure Make Me Look Old?

At the ripe age of 28, I fear I am beginning to understand what it feels like to be “old.” Having spent my life cocooned by the mentality that life only gets better as you age—with some fab older women to prove it to me—I was never afraid of fleeting youth. And yet, it’s hard to know I’ll never again look up a pop star’s age and realize she’s someone I can hope to be when I grow up. It’s also hard to know someone might look at my nails, clock how I filed them, and think I’m ancient.

Or is it?

Recently, a new age-driven TikTok beauty debate has taken root: long-almond nails versus short nails. We’ve settled the whole wide-leg versus skinny jeans thing. The side part versus middle part argument is basically kaput. But now, there’s a new this-or-that to worry about: their ’90s birthdate-revealing fingers. Basically, the idea is that short nails are for Gen-Z (ie. cool) and long nails are for millennials (ie. embarrassing).

The Long Almond vs. Short Nails Debate

The conversation kicked off earlier this year when creator Ashley Shim posted a TikTok highlighting her “short nail theory.”

“All the girls who wear their nails super short—you just know they don’t give a flying f*ck. They don’t care. They’re living their best life. You just know she’s a baddie, and she’s really freaking confident,” she explained in the clip.

Ashley, I don’t disagree with you. But I also think that kind of person can exist with any nail shape?! If not, explain Hailey Bieber—she’s a long almond-shaped nail icon and technically Gen Z (we’re cusps, baby) who ended her Vogue cover story interview with a cheeky smile and the line “I guess these bitches are going to be mad.”

It’s all so silly, really. There are so many nail shapes out there! Some people change theirs up on a weekly basis—Kylie Jenner (Gen Z) often switches between long almond and short square in the same month. How can a binary debate like this get us anywhere at all?

What Do My Nails Say About Me?

If someone was actually tasked with guessing my age based on a photo of my hands, I’d be curious to hear their thoughts. I’m not at a place where sun spots are popping (hopefully they never will be, shoutout SPF) but I wouldn’t say my skin is as girlish as it could be. I moisturize, so they’re decently soft. There’s no engagement or wedding ring, if that would help place me.

My fingernails are painted baby pink (the polish is chipped) and… short.

With all that information to mull over, tell me: what does it mean? At the end of the day… nothing. And even if it did mean something, I still wouldn’t care.

Even if the labels were reversed and the long nails were young and cool, I’d be rocking shorties. They’re easier to type with. Is this whole thing boring you? That’s kind of the point.

It’s Really Not About the Nails

Like the hair part and jean debates that came before, I think we’re going to settle this soon with an answer of “do whatever you want.” Still, that won’t solve the underlying issue. If its not this conversation, it’ll be another. (Should we do dangly versus stud earrings next?)

At the end of the day, we just want a way to scream “look at me! I am young!” into the void.

What the whole debate really boils down to is a fear of aging on Gen Z’s behalf. From what I’ve seen online, the millennials don’t really care what their nails say about them. Having seen plenty of nail shapes soar to popularity (and crash and burn) in their lives, what matters most is they like the look they have going on.

Think about the Freakier Friday approach to aging and beauty: in both movies, the young girl who’s inhabiting an older woman’s body rushes to do beauty damage control by way of a hair change or hefty dose of lip plumper—they have to look younger!! Meanwhile, the old-who-became-young is pretty pleased just pulling her hair out of her face to show off that flush with collagen skin. And yet… she makes sure to go hard on the sunscreen.

Though beauty brands have supposedly moved away from “anti-aging” language due to backlash, they’re using different words to sell the same thing: “prevents wrinkles,” “lifts,” “will make sure you look like you know what’s cool.” I was certainly intrigued by the sag-preventing SKIMS face wrap that recently came out; in 2017, Kim Kardashian told The Cut that she fears aging “every single day.”

To be fair, aging is spooky at its core. It reminds us of mortality—famously one of the scariest topics there is. But think about what Pamela Anderson teaches us every day: it’s also beautiful! Your frontal lobe develops (important), you’re full of experience (hot), and you learn important lessons about yourself (comforting). For example: what nail shape you like best because it fits your hands and will be best for gardening/pickling/cartwheeling, not because TikTok told you to like it.

You’re never in your prime when your whole life is prime.